Song Meister’s Songs

Thanks To the Chicago Hash House Harriers Song Page all the BBH3’r can learn some damn songs!
Chicago Hash House Harriers Webpage

ALL THE LITTLE HASHERS

Melody – The Fishy Song

Have you ever gone hashing on a bright sunny day?
When all the little hashers are running round the bay?
With their beers in their mugs and their mugs in their hands,
And all the little hashers doing the hoochie coochie dance.


 

AIR FORCE SONG

Melody – Off We Go, Into the Wild Blue Yonder

Off we go,
Into the wild blue yonder.
Crash and burn,
Son of a bitch!


 

ARMY SONG

Melody – Be All That You Can Be

Be all that you can be,
Get a fucked up life,
And a big fat wife,
in the Army!


 

B-I-M-B-O

Melody – B-I-N-G-O

B-I-M-B-O,
B-I-M-B-O,
B-I-M-B-O,
And BIMBO was her name oh


 

BULLSHIT

Melody – My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean

Bullshit, bullshit,
It all sounds like bullshit to me, to me,
Bullshit, bullshit,
It all sounds like bullshit to me!

Notes: This song is especially applicable whenever somebody tries to defend himself or herself from an accusation – there is no defense for accusations, get over it.


 

DEAD DOG ROVER

Melody – I’m Looking Over a Four Leaf Clover

I’m looking over,
My dead dog Rover,
That I over ran with the mower.
One leg is missing,
The other is gone,
The third leg is shredded,
All over the lawn.
You see there’s no use explaining,
The one remaining,
It’s spinning on the carport floor
I’m looking over,
My dead dog Rover,
That I ran over,
That I ran over,
That I ran over with the mower!

Actions: During the final three “That I ran over,” the motion of pushing a lawn mower is often mimed.

Notes: This song is usually sung to hashers who frequently bring their dogs to the hash; as such it is Happy Ass Grabber and Turbo Dog’s favorite Down-Down song.


 

DONNIE THE RETARD

Melody – Frosty the Snowman

Donnie the retard,
Had an eight pound melon head,
He was five foot three and he said to me,
Hiii myyy naaame isss Donnnnnie!

Notes: After everyone screams the final line, Snatchsquatch likes to scream something related to whatever the accusation was.


 

DOS, A BEER

Melody – Do, Re, Mi (Sound of Music)

Dos, a beer, a Mexican beer,
Ray, the guy who buys me beer, (Thanks Ray!),
Me, the guy, he buys beer for,
Far, a long-long way to run,
So, I think I’ve have a beer!
La, la la la la la la,
Tea, no thanks I’ll have a beer,
And that brings us back to Dos, dos, dos, dos…

Actions: During “La, la la la la la la”, some Hashers will dance in a small circle with their vessels above their cranium.

Notes: “Down, Down, Down” is often sung following this song using the same melody. Occasionally the words “Thanks Ray” are still shouted after the second line.


 

DOSE OF CLAP

Melody – He’s Got the Whole World In His Hands

He’s got a dose of clap on his dick,
He’s got a dose of clap on his dick,
He’s got a dose of clap on his dick,
And all it does is go drip, drip, drip.


 

DOWN, DOWN, DOWN YOUR BEER

Melody – Row, Row, Row Your Boat

Down Down Down your beer,
To pay for your crime.
Quit complaining about the taste,
There’s no cum this time.


 

THE DRUNKEN HASHER

Melody – Drunken Sailor

What do you do with a drunken Hasher,
What do you do with a drunken Hasher,
What do you do with a drunken Hasher,
After too many Down Downs?

Don’t look he’s peeing in the corner,
Don’t look he’s peeing in the corner,
Don’t look he’s peeing in the corner,
After too many Down-Downs!

Oh no he puked on the bar-ar,
Oh no he puked on the bar-ar,
Oh no he puked on the bar-ar,
After too many Down-Downs!

Now he’s passed out in his own vomit,
Now he’s passed out in his own vomit,
Now he’s passed out in his own vomit,
After too many Down-Downs!

Oh crap he just John Bonham-ed,
Oh crap he just John Bonham-ed,
Oh crap he just John Bonham-ed,
After too many Down-Downs!


 

DUMBASS

Melody – Auld Lang Syne

Dumbass, dumbass, dumbass, dumbass,
Dumbass, dumbass, dumbass, (dumbass!)
Dumbass, dumbass, dumbass, dumbass,
Dumbass, Dumbass, dumbass.


 

FINGER IN YOUR BEER

Melody – Itself

How would, you like, my finger in your ear?
How would, you like, my finger in your ear?
Not fucking likely! Not fucking likely! Not fucking likely!

How would, you like, my finger in your rear?
How would, you like, my finger in your rear?
Not fucking likely! Not fucking likely! Not fucking likely!

How would, you like, my finger in your beer?
How would, you like, my finger in your beer?
Not fucking likely! Not fucking likely! Not fucking likely!

Actions: During the song several hashers usually attempt to stick their fingers in the places mentioned in the verse. When the line “not fucking likely” is sung the circle usually puts their beers above their heads and dances in a circle.


 

FUCK OFF YA WANK

Melody – Auld Lang Syne

Fuck off, ya wank, fuck off, ya wank,
Fuck off, ya wank, fuck off! (Fuck off!)
Fuck off, ya wank, fuck off, ya wank,
Fuck off, ya wank, fuck off! (Fuck off!)

Variant: The word “piss” can also be substituted for the word “fuck.”

Actions: It is not uncommon to flip the bird at whoever the subject of the song is.

Notes: This song occasionally doubles as a departing melody for any hashers who have to leave before circle has been completed.


 

GIRLS WHO SAY THEY WILL

Melody – British Grenadier

I like the girls who say they will,
And I like the girls who won’t.
I hate the girls who say they will,
And then they say they won’t.
But of all the girls I like the best,
I may be wrong or right,
Are the girls who say they never will,
But look as though they might.


 

GLORIUS VICTORIOUS

Melody – Itself

Beer, beer, beer, beer
Beer, beer, beer, beer
Drunk last night,
Drunk the night before,
Gonna get drunk tonight,
Like I’ve never been drunk before,
Cause when I’m drunk I’m as happy as can be,
Cause we’re all part of the Hashing family.

Oh the Hashing Family
Is the best family
To ever come over
From Old Germany.
You’ve got your High Hash Drunks
You’ve got your Low Hash Drunks
You’ve got your Asian Drunks
And we’re all fucking drunk.

Singing glorious,
Victorious!
One keg of beer for the four of us.
Singing Glory be to God that there are no more of us,
Cause one of us could drink it all alone
Damn near, pass the beer, to the rear, of the Hash House!

Actions: With the line “High Hash Drunks” the hand is usually held at head level and then moved to waist level for the line “Low Hash Drunks.” With the line “Asian Drunks” all hashers usually use their elbows to highlight any hashers in attendance that are Asian.

Notes: If there are no Asian Hashers, the line changes to “We got no Asian Drunks” with everyone shrugging.


 

GOD BLESS MY UNDERPANTS

Melody – God Bless America

God bless my underpants,
Brand that I like,
Stand inside them,
And ride them,
Between my buns when I run or I bike.

From the waistband,
To the legholes,
To the fly flap,
Wet with piss,
God bless my underpants,
They look like this.

Actions: Typically upon singing the final line the RA will de-pants himself and show off his underpants to the rest of the circle.

Notes: Soar Balls of the Second City Hash is credited as the composer of this little number.


 

THE HARES STILL SUCK

Melody – Itself

The Hares still suck,
The Hares still suck,
The Hares still suck,
They really, really, really, really, really, really, suck.
The Hares still suck.


 

HAS ANYONE SEEN MY COCK

Melody – Itself

Has anyone seen my cock?
My big Rhode Island Red?
It’s mostly pink, with a few blue streaks,
And purple round his head,
It likes to stand at attention,
And give my wife a shock.
Has anybody seen,
Has anybody seen,
Has anybody seen my cock?


 

THE HASH HOUSE HARRIERS

Melody – The Addams Family

Their drinking is compulsive,
Their running in convulsive,
They’re utterly repulsive,
The Hash House Harriers,
Da da da da da (snap snap)
Da da da da da (snap snap)
Da da da da da
Da da da da da
Da da da da da (snap snap)

Their flatulence if rude,
Their language is rude,
They go running in the nude,
Da da da da da (snap snap)
Da da da da da (snap snap)
Da da da da da
Da da da da da
Da da da da da (snap snap)

Notes: Don’t say “snap snap,” snap your fingers, idiot.


 

HE WANKS HIS CRANK

Melody – Itself

He wanks his crank in the morning,
He wanks his crank in the night,
He wanks his crank with his left hand,
And he cleans it up with his right.


 

HE’S A FUCKING SLUT

Melody – Itself

__________, He’s a fucking slut,
__________, He takes it up the butt,
__________, Scratch marks on his rectum,
__________, His gerbil did infect him.

Notes: The name of the accused in inserted in the blank.


 

HE’S A HASHER, HE’S OKAY

Melody – Lumberjack Song (Monty Python)

He’s a hasher, he’s okay,
He works all day, comes out to play,
He drinks it down without complaint,
Or he wears it well.
Drink it! Wear it!
Drink it! Wear it!
Wear it! Wear it! Wear it!

Notes: The “Drink it! Wear It!” lines are chanted by the circle rather than the usual “Down, down, down.”


 

HE’S A RACIST

Melody – Itself

He’s a racist,
He sucks the horse’s faces,
He’s a racist,
He’s a horse’s ass.

Every since he found it,
All he does is pound it,
He’s a racist,
He’s a horse’s ass.

Variant: The first two lines can be changed to “He’s the meanest,/He sucks the horse’s penis” or “He’s the lamest,/He sucks the horse’s anus.”


 

HEINEKEN, SCHMEINEKIN

Melody – Itself

Heineken, Schmeinekin!
Fuck that shit!
Pabst Blue Ribbon!

Notes: This song is usually chanted in response to the discovery that a particular hasher is engaging in “Beer Snobbery” and drinking a different beer than the rest of the circle.


 

HER LEFT TIT

Melody – My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean

Her left tit hangs down to her belly,
Her right tit hangs down to her knees,
If her left tit exceeded her right tit,
She’d gets lots of weenie from me!

Optional Verse:
Throw back, throw back,
Throw back them titties for me, for me.
Throw back, throw back,
Oh throw back them titties for me!

Note: This song’s optional verse is normally sung to a rather well-endowed Harriette, in the hopes that she jiggles her breasts in a attempt to oblige the additional verse.


 

HERE’S TO BROTHER/SISTER HASHER

Melody – Ach, Du Lieber Augustin

Here’s to brother hasher,
Bother hasher, brother hasher,
Here’s to brother hasher,
May he chug-a-lug.

He’s happy, he’s jolly,
He’s fucked up by golly,
Here’s to brother hasher,
May he chug-a-lug.

So drink motherfucker,
Drink motherfucker,
Drink motherfucker,
Drink motherfucker,
Here’s to brother hasher,
May he chug-a-lug.

Variants: EZ on the Ass will change the lines to “He’s Happy, I’m EZ/We’re fucked up a sleazy” in reference to himself and Happy Ass Grabber. Since he’s the only one who does this, ignore him and hope he goes away.

Notes: Every reference to “brother hasher” can be changed to “sister hasher” if the accused is female – I’ve no idea if there is a further change for he-she’s or tranny hookers, but given how much hashing there is to be done in Southeast Asia I would not be surprised if there is.


 

HIS ONE-SKIN

Melody – My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean

His one skin hangs down to his two skin,
His two skin hangs down to his three,
His three skin hangs down to his foreskin,
His foreskin hangs down to his knee.
Drink it down, down, down . . .

Optional Verse:
Roll back, roll back,
Roll back his foreskin for him, for him.
Roll back, roll back,
Oh roll back his foreskin for him.

Notes: Seriously, no straight man should be singing the optional verse – that’s just gross.


 

HOT VAGINA

Melody – The Eyes of Texas Are Upon You

Hot vagina for your breakfast,
Hot vagina for your lunch,
Hot vagina for your dinner,
It’s munch, munch, munch, munch, munch.
It’s so tasty and nutritious,
Bite-size and ready to eat,
So take a tip, go eat some clit;
Hot vagina can’t be beat.


 

I LOVE MY GIRL

Melody – Itself

I love my girl,
Yes I do, Yes I do, Yes I do,
I love her truly!
I love that hole,
That she pisses through!

I love her rub red lips,
And her milky-white tits,
And her nut brown asshole!
I’d eat her shit!
Gobble Gobble Gobble Slurp!
With a rusty spoon!
(with a rusty Spoo-oo-oon!)

Note: The line “milky white tits” should change depending on the harriette’s race.


 

I RAN THE HASH

Melody – “I Fought the Law” by The Clash

Running trail in the hot sun,
I ran the hash and the hash won,
I ran the hash and the hash won,
I needed beer but there was none!
I ran the hash and the hash won!

I solved no checks and it feels so bad,
Guess I’m dead fucking last!
This is the worst trail that I’ve ever ran,
I ran the hash and the hash won,
I ran the hash and the . . .

Notes: This is the first song that I composed so learn it already.


 

I’M A LITTLE HASHER

Melody – I’m a Little Tea Pot

I’m a little hasher,
horny and drunk,
There is her bum and here is my junk,
When I get all worked up I whip it out,
Bend her over and make her shout!

Note: When the words “bum” and “junk” are sung the hash should point to those respective body parts. The final line can be enacted by bending a hariette over and thrusting in her general direction.


 

IN HEAVEN THERE IS NO BEER

Melody – Itself

In heaven there is no beer, (no beer?)
That’s why we drink it here, (no beer?)
And when we’re gone from here, (no beer?)
All our friends will be drinking all the beer!

Additional:
In heaven there is no wine, (no wine?)
That’s why we drink moonshine, (no wine?)
‘Cuz when were feeling fine, (no wine?)
All our friends will be drinking moonshine!

In heaven there is no sex, (no sex!?)
Which leaves us quite perplexed, (no sex!?)
And when we are perplexed, (no sex!?)
All our friends will be having all the sex!

In heaven there are no tits, (no tits?)
Which throws us into fits, (no tits?)
And when we’re throwing fits, (no tits?)
All our friends will be rubbing all the tits!


 

INCEST TIME IN TEXAS

Melody – Yellow Rose of Texas

When it’s incest time in Texas,
And there’s no cunt to be found,
Your mother’s in the bathroom,
Her panties halfway down,

No time for masturbation,
No time to beat your meat,
When it’s incest time in Texas,
Mother-fucking can’t be beat!

Notes: The final line is often yelled.


 

IT’S A SMALL DICK

Melody – It’s a Small World

Well it isn’t long and it isn’t think,
It gets hard too slow and it cums too quick,
It gets lost in her twat but it’s all that he’s got,
It’s a small, small dick.

It’s a small dick after all,
It’s a small dick after all,
Always limp from alcohol,
It’s a small, small dick!

Variant: The line “Impotent from alcohol” is sometimes used instead of the line “Always limp from alcohol.” and a finger gesture is sometimes given to imitate a wilting phallus.


 

LAST NIGHT I MASTURBATED

Melody – Funiculi, Funicula

Last night I stayed home and masturbated,
It felt so good, I knew it would!
Last night I stayed home and masturbated,
It felt so nice, I did it twice!
First I did the short stroke,
It was so grand, I used my hand!
Then I did the long stroke,
It was so neat, I used my feet!

Mash it! Bash it!
Throw it on the floor!
Tie it ’round the bed post!
Smash it in the door!
Some say that intercourse is something truly grand,
Me I’d rather stay at home and do it all by hand!

Note: Pantomiming the words to this song is highly encouraged.


 

LITTLE BROWN MOUSE

Melody – The Girl I Left Behind Me

Oh, the liquor was spilled on the barroom floor,
And the shop was closed for the night,
When out from his hole crept a little brown mouse,
And sat in the pale moonlight.

He lapped up the liquor on the barroom floor,
And back on his haunches he sat,
And all night long you could hear him roar,
BRING ON THE GODDAMNED CAT!

Oh, the cat came out and they had a little spat,
And the cat ate up on the mouse, (Chomp! Chomp!)
And the moral of the story is,
YOU CAN’T DRINK LIQUOR ON THE HOUSE!

Actions: The line “Chomp! Chomp!” is accompanied with hand motion of a mouth chewing on something.

Variant: The final line is sometimes changed to “DON’T FUCK WITH PUSSY” and yelled by Or-G, or if Or-G is not there the RA.

Notes: The line “Chomp! Chomp!” is also often repeated after every other line in the song due to the fact that it once caused Calvin Klein to mess up the song. Additionally, the third line in the last two verses (“roar” and “is”) is frequently sung as loud as possible and held for a very long time – I believe I started this and I have regretted it ever since.


 

LOVE ME TENDER

Melody – Itself

Love me tender, love me sweet,
Wrap your lips around my meat.
Hold me close and watch me grin,
As I dribble …

Notes: The circle will then launch into “Down, down, down” rather than complete the line “Down Your Chin.” Unless of course you’re Hoosier Daddy and you’re being an idiot.


 

MASTURBATION

Melody – Alouette

Masturbation, he loves masturbation,
Masturbation, he loves to beat his meat!


 

MEET THE HASHERS

Melody – Meet the Flintstones

Hashers, meet the hashers,
We’re the biggest drunks in history,
From the town of ________,
We’re the leaders in debauchery,
Half-minds, trailing shaggy through the years,
Watching us as we down a lot of beers.

Notes: The home town of whatever hash you are at is usually placed in the blank, and the song in concluded by singing “Down, down, down” to the remainder of the song’s melody. Occasionally the song is concluded by one or more hashers yelling out “Wilma!” or something similar in reference to the ending of the Flintstones where Fred is locked out by the cat. Finally, this is Rhotan’s least favorite song and should be sung to him whenever possible.


 

MORE BEER

Melody – Auld Lang Syne

More beer, more beer, more beer, more beer,
More beer, more beer, more beer! (MORE BEER!)
More beer, more beer, more beer, more beer,
More beer, more beer, more beer! (MORE BEER!)

Notes: This song is often sung when a beer wench has lapsed in her duties and all of the beer has been consumed before she returns with more. It is also acceptable to sing this in response to a bartender giving free pitchers to the hash or when hash cash has been used up and the hat must be passed.


 

MY NAME IS JACK

Melody – Itself

My name is Jack (nah-na-nah-na-nah-na-nah),
I’m a necrophiliac (nah-na-nah-na-nah-na-nah),
I fuck dead women (nah-na-nah-na-nah-na-nah),
And I fill ’em full of jism (nah-na-nah-na-nah-na-nah).
I get frustrated (nah-na-nah-na-nah-na-nah),
When they’re cremated (nah-na-nah-na-nah-na-nah),
Cause try as I must (nah-na-nah-na-nah-na-nah),
I can’t fuck dust!

Notes: This song is sung by the RA with the rest of the circle responding with the portion in parentheses. The final line is often shouted by everyone for emphasis.

Variant: Because you can never have too many songs about incest, there’s an alternate version of this song. Since it makes reference to the first, it is best sung after the original is sung in circle.

My name is Gus
I’m incestuous
I fucked my mother
And buggered my brother
But when they die
I will not cry
Cuz just like Jack
I’m a necrophiliac


 

NELLIE DARLING

Melody – I Wish I Were an Oscar Meyer Wiener

Well your ass is like a stovepipe, Nellie Darling,
And the nipples on your tits are turning green,
There’s a thousand flies buzzing round your pussy,
You’re the dirtiest fucking bitch I’ve ever seen.

There’s a yard of lint protruding from your navel,
When you piss, you piss a stream as green as grass,
There’s enough wax in your ear to make a candle,
Why don’t you make one and show it up your ass?

Oh your breath could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon,
And you ingrown toenails exude a pussy cream,
Your nose hair’s long enough to braid in curls,
You’re every _________ hasher’s fucking dream!

Notes: The name of whatever hash you are attending is sung during the final line.


 

NIPPLES

Melody – Jada

Nipples! Nipples!
N-I-P-P-L-E-S!
Nipples! Nipples!
N-I-P-P-L-E-S!
Lick them, flick them, play with them too,
That’s where babies go to get goo.
Nipples! Nipples!
That’s what makes the titties fun!

Variant: The word “babies” is sometimes changed to “hashers”, suggesting that hashers enjoy lactating women.

Notes: An excellent way to get the RA mad at you is to learn this song and “Scrotum” and to switch the lyrics to the second portion – if you do I will kick you in the nuts. Extra P’s may be added to the second and third line, as Calvin Klein tended to do this while traveling on the “Train of Triumph.”


 

NO BALLS AT ALL (THE BALLS SONG)

Melody – Colonel Bogey March

__________, has only got one ball,
__________, has two but very small,
__________, has something similar,
But these mother fuckers have no balls at all.

Notes: Before the song begins the RA will usually choose three different hashers whose names are then placed in the blanks.


 

OLD BROWN COW

Melody – The Old Gray Mare

The old brown cow went pfft up against the wall,
Pfft up against the wall,
Pfft up against the wall,
The old brown cow went pfft up against the wall,
And the wall was covered in shit! Shit! Shit!

Notes: The “pfft” is the sound of hashers making farting noises of varying intensity.


 

OU EST LE PAPIER?

Melody – La Marseillaise

A Frenchman went to the lavat’ry,
To have him a jolly good shit, shit, shit
He took his coat and his trousers off,
So that he could revel in it, it, it.
But when he reached for the paper,
He found that someone had been there before,

“Ou est le papier?
Ou est le papier?
Monsieur, monsieur, je fait manure.
Ou est le papier?
Ou est le papier?”

Notes: Chicken Stiffer particularly loves this song, that stupid French fuck.


 

PETER PENIS

Melody – Oscar Meyer Bologna Song

My penis has a first name,
It’s P-E-T-E-R,
My penis has a second name,
It’s P-E-N-I-S,
My girl she sucks it every day,
And if you ask her why she’ll say …
(gargle)

Notes: Upon reaching the last line the RA places beer in his mouth and gargles, mimicking a woman who can’t speak because she’s giving oral sex.

Variant: Women’s version.

His penis has a first name,
It’s P-E-T-E-R,
His penis has a second name,
It’s P-E-N-I-S,
I love to fuck him every day,
And if you ask me why I’ll say …
Cause Peter Penis has a way,
With my V-A-G-I-N-A!


 

PISSANYA

Melody – Itself

Pissanya, Pissanya, Pissanya,
In Russian it means “I love you,”
If I had my way I’d pissanya all day,
Pissanya, Pissanya, Pissanya.

Shittanya, Shittanya, Shittanya,
In Russian it means “I adore you,”
If I had my way I’d shittanya all day,
Shittanya, shittanya, shittanya.

Cummanya, Cummanya, Cummanya,
In Russian it means “I need you,”
If I had my way, I’d Cummanya all day,
Cummanya, Cummanya, Cummanya.


 

PUBLICLY PISSED UPON

Melody – My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean

He ought to publicly pissed upon,
He ought to be publicly shot (Bang! Bang!),
He out to be tied to a urinal,
And left there to fester and rot (I love that part!)


 

PUFF THE MAGIC TAMPON

Melody – Puff the Magic Dragon

Puff, The Magic Tampon
Lived between her knees,
And frolicked in that awfulness
Of filthy yeast and cheese!

Then one day it happened,
Puffy sprang a leak.
But don’t complain you sleazy bitch,
He’s been in your box all week!


 

PUT YOUR LEFT LEG OVER MY SHOULDER

Melody – Side by Side

Put your left leg over my shoulder,
Put your right leg over my shoulder,
La la la la!

Optional Verses:
Put your left tit over my shoulder,
Put your right tit over my shoulder,
Brr brr brr brr!

Variant: The last line of “la la la la” is replaced with a “mph mph mph mph” if the accused is a male instead of a female.

Actions: The “la la la la” is done with the tongue out while mimicking oral sex on a female. In the variant the “mph mph mph mph” is done while mimicking giving a blowjob, and the “brr brr brr brr” is a mimicking of motorboating.


 

SALLY IN THE ALLEY

Melody – Reuben, Reuben, I’ve Been Thinking

Sally in the alley, sifting cinders,
Lifting up her leg and farting like a man!
Blast from her ass blew out six winders,
Cheeks on her ass went BAM! BAM! BAM!

Actions: Hashers will slap their ass in rhythm to the “Bam! Bam! Bam!” that concludes the song.


 

SCROTUM

Melody – Jada

Scrotum. Scrotum.
S-C-R-O-T-U-M.
Scrotum. Scrotum.
S-C-R-O-T-U-M.
Mangy, scrangy, covered with hair.
What would you do if they weren’t there?
Scrotum. Scrotum.
That’s what keeps your gonads in!

Notes: An excellent way to get the RA mad at you is to learn this song and “Nipples” and to switch the lyrics to the second portion – if you do I will kick you in the nuts.


 

SHE LIKES IT IN THE KITCHEN

Melody – Itself

She likes it in the kitchen,
She likes it in the kitchen,
She likes it in the kitchen,
And kitchen means butt!


 

SHE’S A HARRIETTE

Melody – Turkey in the Straw

Oh, the wiggle of her ass would make a blind man cum,
And the nipples on her tits are as big as my thumb,
She’s a mean mother-fuckers, she’s a great cock-sucker,
She’s a harriette!


 

SHITTY TRAIL

Melody – The Mickey Mouse Club

S-H-I, T-T-Y,
T-R-A-I-L,
Shitty trail, (It sucked!)
Shitty trail, (It blew!)
I’d rather drink a bucket of warm fucking vomit,
Than run your shitty trail,
S-H-I, T-T-Y,
T-R-A-I-L.

Variant: Other hashes frequently use the line “The hares have gone and laid a shitty trail,” before the “I’d rather drink …” line – this never caught on in Chicago for whatever reason.

Notes: The line “I’d rather drink …” is usually spoken by the RA alone and Calvin Klein frequently uses this particular line, but anything horrible can be used in its place.


 

SHORT HYMN

Melody – Amen

Hymn, Hymn,
Fuck him!

Variant: The song can be used for a harriette by changing “Hymn” and “him” to “her” – it can also be used for a group using “Them.”


 

SKEETER ON MY PETER

Melody – If You’re Happy And You Know It

There’s a skeeter on my peter, wack it off, (wack it off!)
There’s a skeeter on my peter, wack it off, (wack it off!)
There’s a dozen on my cousin’s,
I can here the fucker’s buzzin,
There’s a skeeter on my peter, wack it off!


 

SOLDIER SONG

Melody – Itself

Asshole, asshole, a soldier I will be,
To piss, to piss, two pistols on my knee,
For cunt, for cunt, for country and for queen,
Asshole, asshole, asshole, asshole, a soldier I will be!


 

SOMEONE’S IN THE KITCHEN WITH DINAH

Melody – 3rd Verse of “I’ve Been Working on the Railroad”

Dinah won’t you blow me,
Dinah won’t you blow me,
Dinah won’t you blow my horn?

Dinah won’t you blow me,
Dinah won’t you blow me,
Dinah won’t you blow my horn?

Someone in my sister’s vagina,
Someone’s in my sister, I know,
Someone’s in my sister’s vagina,
Humpin’ like a dynamo.

Actions: A humping motion is usually made during the final line of this song.

Notes: Poke His Anus’ sister is Just Dinah, so this song will be sung whenever either of them is accused of anything – you’ve been warned.


 

SONG OF SIX CHECKS

Melody – Sing a Song of Six Pence

Sing a song of six checks,
A pocket full of flour,
Four-and-twenty hashers,
Lost on trail for hours.
And when they found the beer check,
There wasn’t any there,
They all agreed to go On-In,
And kill the fucking hares!

Variant: The word “lynch” is sometimes used in place of the word “kill,” probably a lot in the South.


 

TAKE IT IN YOUR HAND MRS. MURPHY

Melody – Itself

Take it in your hand Mrs. Murphy,
For it only weighs a quarter of a pound,
It’s got hair on its neck like a turkey,
And it cums when you jerk it up and …

Variant: Or-G has a specific version of the song that he likes to sing, the original verse remains the same except that “hand” is changed to “ear” in the first line – a second verse is added as follows:

“Oh if I had the wings of an eagle,
and the balls of a hairy baboon,
I’d fly to the highest mountain,
And cornhole the man in the moon!”


 

TASTES LIKE SHIT

Melody – If You’re Happy and You Know It

If your boyfriend tastes like shit, he’s a homo,
If your boyfriend tastes like shit, he’s a homo,
If your boyfriend tastes like shit, he’s definitely packing it,
If your boyfriend tastes like shit, he’s a homo.

Variant: The lyrics can be changed to the following for a female accusation:

“If your girlfriend tastes like shit, flip her over,
If your girlfriend tastes like shit, flip her over,
If your girlfriend tastes like shit, you’re licking her asshole not her clit,
If your girlfriend tastes like shit, flip her over.”

Notes: The “he’s a homo” is especially fun to sing when you’re in Boy’s Town or any other gay bar. If anyone throws a hissy-fit just remind him or her that, as Ice Princess says, “if you can take a dick you can take a joke.”


 

TECATE

Melody – La Cucaracha

I like Tecate,
I like Tecate,
And Tecate likes me,

I drink Tecate,
I drink Tecate,
And now I have to go and pee.

Optional Verses: There are far too many optional verses to list – at Idiot’s Day 2008 we probably came up with a hundred of them.

Notes: This is the most annoying hash song of all time and it will get stuck in your head for the rest of eternity, proceed at your own risk.


 

TEN STICKS OF DYNAMITE

Melody – Ten Green Bottles

Ten stick of dynamite hanging on the wall,
Ten sticks of dynamite hanging on the wall,
And if one stick of dynamite should accidentally fall,
There’d be no more fucking dynamite and no more fucking wall!

Notes: The final line is yelled.


 

THANK GOD SHE FINALLY SHUT UP

Melody – Looney Tunes Theme

Thank God she finally shut up,
She’s always fucking bitchin,
So drink your beer, get out of here,
And get back in the kitchen!


 

THERE WAS A LITTLE BIRD

Melody – Itself

There was a little bird,
No bigger than a turd,
Sitting on a telephone pole,
He ruffled up his neck,
To shit about a peck,
He puckered up his little asshole.
Asshole, asshole, asshole, asshole.
You’re nothing but a bunch of assholes.

Actions: during the refrain of “Asshole” all members of circle point at the accused.


 

THIRSTDAY HYMN

Melody – “Fat Bottom Girls” by Queen

Ohhh… We’re gonna set this trail off right.
Ohhh… We’re gonna get fucked up tonight.
Ohhh… You’re gonna have to call in sick
The Thirstday hash is gonna make your world spin ’round

Note: Thirstday GM Mt. Schwiiinga is one of the composers of this song, so you’d better learn it or she’ll forget that you paid hash cash.

Variant: The last line can be replaced with “The Thirstday hash is gonna make you drink it down…(down, down, down…).


 

THIS IS YOUR DOWN-DOWN SONG

Melody – Ta-Rah-Rah-Doom Te-Ay

This is your Down-Down song,
It isn’t very long…


 

TWELVE INCH HARD-ON

Melody – I’m Looking Over a Four Leaf Clover

I’ve got a start on a twelve-inch hard-on
That I’ve had all afternoon.
Went to the doctor, she told me to cough,
I wish that she would whack it right off!
So come to me Venus, massage my penis,
And shrivel it like a prune,
‘Cause I’ve got a start on a twelve-inch hard-on
That I’ll probably have,
That I’ll probably have,
That I’ll probably have till June.


 

TWENTY TOES

Melody – Itself

There is a game called twenty toes,
That’s played around the town,
Women play with ten toes up,
And men with ten toes …

Notes: This song is usually sung when two hashers are accused of something, or when a hash couple is accused. Sometimes the names of the accused can be used to replaced “Women” and “Men.” I also don’t know why the women’s toes are always up and the men’s always down – apparently hashers only do it missionary.


 

TWINKLE, TWINKLE, LITTLE HASHER

Melody – Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star

Twinkle, twinkle, little hasher,
Can’t you suck a little faster?
Down upon my meat so slow,
Like a whale about to blow,
Twinkle, twinkle, little hasher,
Can’t you suck a little faster?

Variants: The word “suck” is sometimes changed to “fuck.”


 

WALKING THROUGH THE WOODS

Melody – Old Hundredth

As I was walking through the woods,
I shat myself, I knew I would,
I cried for help, but no help came,
So I shat myself again!

As I was walking through St. Paul’s,
A vicar came and grabbed my balls,
I cried for help, but no help came,
So he grabbed my balls again!

As I was lying in the grass,
Some bastard rammed it up my ass,
I cried for help, but no help came,
So he rammed it up my ass again!


 

WHAT A WANK

Melody – William Tell Overture

What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank,
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank,
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank,
What a wank, what a wank, wank, wank,

What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank,
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank, wank,
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank,
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank,
What a wank, what a wank, what a wank, wank, wank,
What a wank, what a wank, wank, wank,

Variants: “Get a Life … “


 

WHEN THE END OF THE MONTH ROLLS AROUND

Melody – As the Cassions Go Rolling Along

You can tell by the smell that she isn’t feeling well,
When the end of the month rolls around.
You can bet it ain’t sweat when her underwear is wet,
When the end of the month rolls around.

Singing hi, hi, hee, to the tampon factory,
Shout your size and sing it loud and clear,
We got small, medium, large,
We got enough to fill a barge,
When the end of the month rolls around.

Note: Many verses can be added before the final verse, but for those hashers with ADHD, like me, I’ve omitted the hundreds of additional verses that can be sung. Go look it up yourself if you’re that interested.


 

WHIP IT OUT AT THE BALL GAME

Melody – Take Me Out to the Ball Game

Whip it out at the ball game,
Wave it round at the crowd,
Dip it in peanuts and Crackerjack,
I don’t care if you give it a whack,
Because it’s –
Beat your meat at the ball game,
If you don’t cum it’s a shame,
‘Cause it’s one, two,
You’re covered in goo,
At the old ball game!

Actions: After the line “You’re covered in goo,” there is the option of yelling “TWAP” and making the motion of throwing the ejaculate in a nearby hasher’s face.


 

WHY WAS SHE BORN SO BEAUTIFUL

Melody – Itself

Why was she born so beautiful?
Why was she born at all?
She’s no fucking use to anyone,
She’s no fucking use at all.
She’s may be a joy to her mother,
But she’s a pain in the asshole to me!

Actions: It is not uncommon for one or more hashers (particularly Happy Ass Grabber) to moon the accused during the final line, so be prepared.


 

YOU’RE NUMBER ONE

Melody – Itself

You’re not number four,
Number three, number two,
You’re number one!

Actions: While singing the circle holds up the corresponding number of fingers until the final line, when the entire circle flips off the accused.

Notes: Chicken seems to enjoy starting this song with number five, which seriously fucks up the rest of the circle. I’m not entirely convinced that Chicken knows how to count.


 

YOU’RE STUPID, YOU’RE STUPID

Melody – Itself

You’re stupid, you’re stupid,
You’re really fucking dumb,
If it wasn’t for you’re mother,
You’d be a stain of cum!


 

ZULU WARRIOR

Melody – Itself

All lay, zooma zooma zooma,
All lay, zooma zooma hey!
All lay, zooma zooma zooma,
All lay, zooma zooma hey!
Drink it down, you Zulu warrior!
Drink it down you Zulu chief, chief, chief!

Suck, Swallow, Hurl!
Hurl! Hurl! Hurl!

Actions: Place your hand above your head to mimic wearing a feather headdress and spin around in place. Alternate directions for each line until the “Drink it down” portion.

Notes: Accused may begin drinking their beer once the words “Drink it down” have been sung.